Justin took one look at Sydney’s arms and it was all clear to him. He forced a smile on his face and waved from the truck, “Hey, Syd, o’ buddy. How’s it kickin’?”
Sydney looked too tired to even attempt a grin. He looked like a man that was expecting to see him but hoped he would never show up. He dropped the bucket of tools he had in his hand and pulled off his gloves. He glanced over to Krissa who had come out onto the front porch. He looked back at Justin when she had looked at him.
Justin’s attitude changed as he approached the house. Not that he showed it on the outside. Especially with Kriss present, largely pregnant but still a damn fine looking woman. She had jet black hair that draped in waterfall curves, slow as molasses. She had blue eyes, bright as the midday sky without a cloud in sight. Her skin was a lovely bronze that made her sparkling smile shine as she greeted Justin, “Howdy Justin. Long time no see!”
Justin tipped his hat and smiled politely, greeting her on the front porch with a gentle hug, “Well, if it ain’t Mrs. Lady Krissa. You know how to heal a man’s eyesight, you fine lookin’ woman.” The feeling of her against him only made him think of Tequila. And the fact that he hadn’t told Sydney about any of it yet either. Christ, it was just one thing after the next.
Krissa shoved his shoulder a little, “Justin, don’t be such a tease! Someone’s gonna believe you one of these days!”
Justin chuckled, “Yer jus’ doin’ the good Lord’s work, Miss Krissa. Saving sinners like me and Syd, ain’t that right buddy?”
Sydney nodded without a retort. Justin picked up on the odd behavior. This was not looking good. He bowed his head a little, “Hey, Krissa, you don’t mind if I steal Syd for a bit do ya? I gotta talk to him ‘bout some serious shit. Like I got some dick pics in just now and I’m havin’ trouble pickin’ out which one I want and I didn’t wanna embarrass Syd in front of his wife and all, ya know?”
Krissa snorted a laugh and stepped back in the house, “Sure, you boys do whatever you need.”
“If I find a nice one, I’ll send it your way, baby girl,” Justin winked as Krissa closed the door. Justin finished out his little chuckle before sighing. He looked to Sydney with a concerned frown. “How ‘bout we get a drink?” Or several.
Down in the cellar, Justin took a long sip of his whiskey that he had poured for himself and Sydney. The cellar was small compared to what Sydney had grown up with but there was enough room to put in a small bar and a couple of chairs. Sydney leaned over the table, staring out into nothing.
Justin drummed his fingers on his glass. Where to even start…Funny how he always had something to say but now he had troubles even cracking a joke to break the ice. Did he even know this guy any more? “Syd…I stopped by RidgeRunner a while back. Thought I’d stop in and say hey. Turns out...you were here instead...”
Sydney closed his fingers, staring down at his arms. The somber way Justin was going about this conversation was unusual. Either he was about to crack a joke and laugh at him for being so uptight or that he knew everything. He thought he’d feel his heart race in a situation like this but it turned out the damn thing wasn’t beating at all. Either finally bled dry or frozen over.
Justin swirled his drink around, clinking the ice together that seemed to echo through the silent room. Justin let it sink in. The fact that Sydney wasn’t saying anything or even reacting to him spoke volumes. No greeting, no nothing. Justin kept his eyes, downcast. He slid his hat off and set it on the bar. “Where do you wanna start, Syd?”
More silence.
Justin pushed on, his voice changing from soft to stern, “You wanna tell me those scratches on your arms aren’t from lil’ Jar?”
Sydney looked at the scratches like they were a billboard sign screaming what he had done. But why couldn’t he feel any of them now?
More silence…
Justin didn’t need the alcohol to put the bitter taste in his mouth or the burn in his gut. “Syd…you gotta tell me and I need the fuckin’ truth if you want any goddamn sympathy on my part – if you don’t want yer entire life to burn in hell, you are going to tell me the goddamn truth. Because for once in yer life, I need you to stop lying to yerself and don’t you dare fuckin’ lie to me right now.”
Sydney watched as his fingers began to quiver. It had been a long time since he was legitimately scared of anything. He wasn’t scared of Justin or anything he could do to him. That wasn’t it. He was losing every ounce of control in his life that he thought maybe even for a sliver of time, he thought he had in his grips. Now his loss of control was losing him control of everything. A cycle, an avalanche, an endless drop into a void, dragged into the ocean where he could never surface again.
Justin had asked another question but Sydney couldn’t hear it from where he was, leagues underneath the ocean’s surface. Maybe that was why his heart still didn’t beat. Maybe he had already drowned.
Justin’s jaw slackened as he slumped in his chair. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t fucking believe it. He rubbed a hand down his face, sighing loudly, trying to wipe the dumbstruck look off his face, “Holy shit.” This was a lot to take in. His shock was quickly turning into anger from just not being able to grasp it. Justin slammed his glass on the counter and flipped to face Sydney, “What is wrong with you!? What the fuck is wrong with you!?”
Justin lowered his voice a notch, failing little by little to maintain any kind of composure, “Does Krissa know about any of this?” Justin snarled, reaching over and slapped Sydney upside the head, “Hey, I asked you if your wife knows about you fucking another man. Does she know she's married to a goddamn lunatic? Do you do this shit to her when you throw a fuckin’ tantrum!?”
Justin didn’t know if Sydney acting like a damn statue was for the better or not! Because there wasn’t a damn thing he could say to make anything he did right! But he could at least acknowledge the situation! “You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me, Syd! How do you get to a point where you think any of this is okay!? You are MARRIED. Do you know what that even fuckin’ means at this point!? You know what, let’s just fuckin’ start with what you did to Jarin. Let’s just go ahead and think about that for a goddamn minute! I couldn’t care less it was some goddamn guy! YOU DON’T DO THAT TO SOMEONE!” He slammed his fist on the table just overtaken by disbelief.
Sydney ran a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. There was an inescapable noise shrieking in his ears that wouldn’t go away no matter how deep he sank.
Justin grabbed Sydney’s wrist and yanked it out from under him, giving him a good slap across the face and pulled his face around to look him in the eye, “You open yer goddamn eyes, you fuckin’ asshole. You don’t just get to check out of reality because yer scared of what’ll you’ll see! You open your goddamn eyes and look at what you’ve done! You see those fuckin’ scratches? That was some poor guy telling you to back the fuck off and what did you do!? You took his goddamn rights and you fuckin’ stomped them into the ground like a goddamn fuckin’ toddler throwing a tantrum. Yer worse than trash, you fuckin’ idiot! Do you even know what it means to be a goddamn man anymore? Because let me remind you that we don’t do this! A HUMAN BEING DOES NOT DO THIS. You motherfuckin’ disgrace.”
Sydney stared across to Justin. He was being dragged back to the surface. He could feel how the pressure had crushed him. His ribs felt like they were snapping, one by one. He looked at his arms and felt the welts start to burn. Finally, they were stinging and they hurt. Finally, he felt the rhythmic drum of his heart and he wished he couldn’t.
Justin was relieved he was at least getting through to Sydney. He wasn’t trying to give bullshit excuses to get out of it which meant he understood the gravity of the situation. Not that he was even close to being through with him. “I’m so sick of your shit. Why the fuck would you do this shit to yourself, goddammit Sydney. It’s fuckin’ time you grow the fuck up.” Justin set in for the next phase of his lecture.
“Let’s start with being a goddamn husband with a kid on the way! That woman, who clearly doesn’t fuckin’ know who she married, is up there carrying your goddamn child for you! And that’s not enough for you!? Do you feel like she hasn’t done enough for you!? Five fuckin’ years to you and it doesn’t mean shit to you!? You ungrateful deadbeat!”
Justin scoffed, seeing Sydney scowl, “Please. Don’t even think about getting all shitty on me now. You better goddamn believe that she will know about all of this. Whether you suck it up and march yer ass up there and tell her or if I have to explain to her how her fuckin’ husband doesn’t give a shit about his family or what happens to them because you’d rather play with dicks in yer fantasy land away from home.”
Sydney felt the heat spread. Maybe embarrassment at first, but it was quickly evolving into anger that he knew well. He could handle it about Jarin. But Justin had no right to pretend he knew anything about his family. “Don’t you go stepping into my family’s business.”
Justin grabbed his glass and hurled it at the wall. He didn’t usually get angry but goddammit, Sydney had the nerve to try and shove at Justin, “You listen here. I guaran-fuckin-tee, I am the only one that is trying to give a shit about you right now, Syd! You have the nerve to fuckin’ say I’m not a part of yer family!? You fuckin’ know goddamn well I’ve been more of a family to you than any of yer blood! Don’t you go sayin’ that it’s none of my business, you ungrateful shit! You think Krissa will take yer bullshit!? You think Jarin will!? NO! So don’t you fuckin’ tell me where to put my fuckin’ nose when yer too goddamn stupid to realize the gravity of what you’ve done! Because you didn’t just fuck yourself over, Sydney! You fucked over everyone around you too! I fuckin’ stood up for you! I have every goddamn right to know what the fuck you want out of life because right now, I don’t see much of a goddamn future for you, buddy! Now you fuckin’ tell me how you even plan to start to move on from this or I’m marchin’ my ass up these steps and I’m not fuckin’ lookin’ back as you fuckin’ hang yourself from the web of lies you woven.”
Justin’s harsh words slapped the anger right out of Sydney. He fell quiet again, hanging his head and leaning over onto his knees. Justin watched as Sydney’s shoulders shook and heaved a little. He softened up as he watched the man he thought he knew break down in front of him. It took a lot to push Sydney this far. He could take a lot of flak. But once his defenses were cracked, it all came at once like a river breaking free of a dam. Sydney strained through the tears, “That ain’t my kid, Jus.”
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